Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
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