Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
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