hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
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