You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
