This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
