Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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