Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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