I'm passing your future prison.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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