drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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