I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
