we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
