well you can't waste a boner
I wish you could order shots online.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
