I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
