you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
