I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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