i just wanna soil my oats bro
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
This is the prime rib incident all over again
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
