Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
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All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
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I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.