i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Let's paint friendship bongs
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Randomize
