I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits