sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
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I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs