after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Randomize