It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
