he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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