It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
