he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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