oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
