I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
