If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dignity is for republicans.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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