ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
