So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Randomize
