I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
