The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
