So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
