i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Randomize
