People in love make me want to vomit
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
