Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
