there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
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