if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
