The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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