I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
