he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Randomize
