having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
