a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Randomize
