Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
