hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
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You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
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Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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