So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Randomize
