he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Randomize
