i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
We just shotgunned beers for America
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
