how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
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