My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
