obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
