Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
