I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
where does the pee come out of this thing
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Randomize
