he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Randomize
