Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
