my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Randomize
