i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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