i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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