I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
