You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
